She's too good 4 me, and it's too good to be true

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.,

Here i am,knocking this keyboard again in this earlybird dawn. Today, at about 4am, I did it again. I sent her another sms, which I know would be disturbing her sleep, her mind (ye ke?), again. Ntah, I juz need an answer. I dun want to sit and wait for results. I want to hear she say something bout this. It's totally uncomfortable receiving a a silent treatment like this. I hate it. But I dun want to be pushing her either. Anyways, it's kinda a relief deep in ma heart as I found the spirit to tell her what's bothering me. X suke gile whenever I saw her, she would be kind of making the annoying face. Am I annoying? Gile bab la. Maybe. But, aku konfius la, one second I could see the smile on her face, but then, tarik muka, again. Aku de wat salah ke? If I did, can she pleaseeeeeee tell me?? Or at least tell me she doesnt like me, hate me, doesnt want to see me again, or whatever. I dun mind. Memang la sedih kan kalau die ckp mcm tu...tapi at least I won't have this mind mingling on the same question, again and again.

But lately, I actually kind of accepting this. At least a little bit kot. Coz she's a very gewd girl. Such a sweet n pious lady is not for me. For the noun "me" and "her" becoming "us", way too good to be true. Yep, I like her, and yep, I'm starting to love her. Tapi, it doesnt mean that she has to be mine. I think she's better off without me. I would rather die than seeing her unhappy with me. I only pray that she will meet sumone that's sekufu with her, sumone yg boleh jage die, sayang die, bimbing die and bawa die ke syurga. Aku? Let me rot. LoL. I'd rather be off in loneliness daripada die dok ngan aku & jd ntah ape-ape. I'm not a good guy, and I noe dat we are from two different sides of the universe. She deserves a lot better than me. Nape la aku jadi bongok sangat slalu doa dapat die, sedangkan I should be aware that if I love her, I want to see her happy. Happy. H.A.P.P.Y. does not contains the letter U N M E, or U n Me. It's just H.A.P.P.Y., and the definitions would be making this blog into a linguistic journal. So, as long she is happy, I am happy. And for her to be happy, there's a lot lot lots of way other than me.

Ngok ngek btol la aku mlm ni. Ni la jadinye kalo sahur mkn kuih n isap rokok je kot. Padahal die x cakap pape pun. tapi, same la kan. X reply langsung tu, maknenye ade la sumthing tu. Sukati la... Yg penting, aku da cakap. If she doesnt like it, then up to her la. Malas aku nak pk dah. Nak pendam perasaan, ur choice. Doesnt want to hurt ma feelings? This hurts way damn a lot. Tapi xpe, not her fault. Aku je yg pk bkn2 sgt. Dah kalo die xnak reply tu, yg aku pegi menggatal msg lg watpe. Kan da semak kpale. Ngokngek!

Pape pun, I admit dat I miss her so much. Just I cant tell her dat. Cukup la dgn msg2 bengong yg aku anta. Rite now, aku bersyukur sebnanye dpt lari drpd rase sesak kat dada aku yg da berkampung sjak aritu. Rase yg buat aku lemah je nak dtg opis. Rase takut nak tgk die avoid aku. So, now, lantak la. Ape nak jadi, jadi. Paling2 pun, aku xyah dtg abim je. Bkn susah pon. Haha.

Dah.Aku nak tgk tv plak. Xpun nak tido. Nak blk kampg ke x ni pon aku x sure lg. Mcm org gile plak org kl ni jalan semua jem dah macam pelarian plak. Salam.